Dear J,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me in your car and I saw you sit on my boyfriend. I'm sure you're vexed enough to understand that we’re related. I'm returning our matching Snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I was interviewed about the car you stole and your cucumber-fetishism is weird.
Best of luck on the sex change
Chaz (formerly known as Amanda)
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